I kissed my Soul

I was thrilled. When experiencing new things/events, I get a buzz so high that nothing can ever match the feeling. You could imagine my excitement when I say I was going to experience two spectacular things on the same day.

For days together, I looked forward to it. And after what seemed like an eternity, D day came. After a ‘fabulous’ two days at Vegas, we drove down to Grand Canyon of what was going to become one of the most cherished moments of my life. After a not-so-strenuous drive we arrived at our destination.

We were to take a helicopter ride over the canyon, I couldn't’t wait. After watching the two minute video on safety precautions, I wandered restlessly around the gift shop waiting for them to call me to board. My husband unlike me is the patient one; he waited at the lounge with our cousin and friend to be called.

After a little while, a friendly Mexican spat out our names with great difficulty, then buckled the deflated life jacket around my waist just in case! Followed by a quick photo opportunity in front of our to-be helicopter and thirty minute wait with a happy Brazilian couple, we were on board. News is I got to sit in the front next to the pilot, jackpot! There is no place else in the helicopter where you could get the unobstructed view of the canyon.

Only after a couple of seconds of taking off, we could already see the rim of the canyon, as we neared…

I GASPED.

I was transfixed by the vastness, grandeur and the silence of the canyon. For a few moments, I sat there with my mouth open gaping at it trying to comprehend what I was seeing, the formations that took billions of years to be what it is today.

Stories about the origin of the Canyon are many. Every tribe that ever made Canyon their home has their own legendary heroes and gods that gave canyon its splendor. There were/is stories about gold and gems and all that is valuable hidden in one of the many caverns in the Canyon, there were/are pursuers who were relentless in their search to find them and in the process sadly even gave their life to what in large seems like a myth. Besides the vastness, the mystery that surrounds the great canyon adds drama to the experience.

It was not until I set my eyes on the canyon I knew what platonic love meant. Music poured, heart was tangled in a web trying to make sense of the unknown. In the presence of such splendor, I wished to unlearn all that I learnt over the years making space for something that sans everything I knew until that moment. I remembered something I read: To not endure is to end in despair. I wished to continue the ride, a journey of no-return, keeping company the waning moon and pass into mere oblivion and be what Dyer – the poet said: My mind to me a kingdom is.

It is humanly impossible to write/capture the essence of the Canyon, but it is true that when I was there flying above the canyon, all the reasons of the world seemed trivial almost non-existent. I still see them, even hear them.

I will forever remember that day, because while gawking at the beauty of Canyon, I KISSED MY SOUL.

In the Woods

Woke up from a deep slumber,
Treading softly to the patio,
Eager to see what marvel waits today in the woods,
The sun was slowly rising – greeted by
Chirping birds, cawing crows, buzzing insects
And singing myna in the distant;
Trees were still, leaves too,
Silently standing there welcoming the rays of sun,
Like a friend always have;
Misty mountains looked serene,
I sat there motionless gazing at them,
With a cup of hot coffee as my companion fighting the cold wind,
Even the steam that arose from the cup was soothing,
Unspoken words of the woods was simple,
Life back in the concrete jungle seemed insignificant -
Bordering on illusion,
Just the thought of the metropolis brought
Blaring noise in my mind,
I stopped thinking – welcoming the silence of the mind
And tranquility of the woods,
Just here I will remain as I intend to.

Choices

As I lay there eyes closed, mind open
Looking back at all the years that have fallen behind me
Musing over the memories – of being high and low
Vividly remembering the infinite options – some taken
But repenting none;
There was always a way I learnt
A lesson that I valued more than life itself –
For that is what is life is about,
Knowing it doesn’t have to be superficial,
That there is always a choice –
A choice that will make all the difference.

One got to be either a theologian or a philosopher to be accepted - One can never have liberal thoughts and worse still share it with someone - I am fairly sure the person who lives by his/her values regardless of what the society thinks is never appreciated - but I wonder if it matters at all.

Reality

Examine your presuppositions,
It may just be a delusion of consciousness;
Very often than not,
Reality is never real!

Solitude

Solitude – a monk’s prayer maybe,
Because with it comes knowing the unseen;
To me it is only deafening silence -
Silence so loud, it ruptures the core of soul;
A great void begins to form,
Leading to the depths of all that is vile;
Confused and desolated –
I hope to break out of this melancholy mood,
To be free once again would mean,
I have to kill the screaming silence else,
I will be dying every day I live.

Mind over Matter

Mind and heart at constant war-
A quest of thoughts,
Trying to connect the dots;
Verdict has to be determined,
Who calls for the shots?
Mind and heart still at war...
Will this torment remain a scar?

This unvarying struggle between the mind and heart has always been a mystery to me. Their domination over every thought that originates creates a conflict that sometimes turns into such a raging war which I feel powerless to control or conquer. It doesn’t matter what the thought is all about – of one thing I am sure that the mind and heart is sure to disagree on it.

What is mind really? Where does the thought originate from? Is every thought a feeling or logical reasoning to the situation present? Mind as one would like to believe is an indivisible unit from the body – Descartes would agree. (Will argue whether mind is an indivisible unit later) Whereas heart besides being a muscular organ is the spring of all intuitions and feelings – Anyone would agree.

Once a thought is conceived from nowhere, you as a person are defined by how you process that thought. In my case, when a thought is conceived, I dwell on it, let my intuition judge the thought but parallel to that I will have my mind rationalize it and lose the essence of the thought altogether and end up feeling empty all over again. Not good. After much time spent on this issue, I have come to believe that both Mind and heart is the maker of its own mess. It is both a relative concept that is of course not tangible but invented by us for easier understanding of our complex thinking.

Mind unlike heart is immaterial but equally substantial, so it is but natural that we can be so indecisive sometimes as both mind and heart tries to get the better off each other. The only true way to find a balance is to not let either dominate or not be prejudiced over the role of each. Let both steer your life together for only then will there be awakening, until then it will be nothing but chaos because of the social conditioning of it.

To awaken, put your beliefs and concepts to sleep.